I’ve had an awful lot of trouble writing this, my final part in a series of posts about my time at University. Whereas the previous post came out of me with ease, it seems that this ending is a lot harder to construct. I’ve tried talking about something, realising I’ve rambled for two paragraphs and then started again.
For whatever reason, I just don’t know what to say. What does one say? How do you sum up three years of your life in a succinct and entertaining way?
Perhaps that’s the best summation there is. University at times was hard to pin down and difficult to comprehend. Like a Film with script problems, it had a rushed beginning, a slow middle and a disappointing end. No, perhaps that’s not fair.
I had experiences and I learnt from them, good or bad, it was a time of my life and it was…there. The three years have gone swiftly, yet it’s not my time doing Uni work that has resonated with me, it’s been my time growing up, living away from home and learning new things about myself.
My life has changed so much, my relationship, my aspirations. I’ve been fortunate enough to see a positive development in certain aspects of my life and I can’t forget what would happen if I had taken the wrong path or made the wrong choice.
That’s what life’s about. We can’t possibly know how things will go so we just gotta roll the dice and hope for the best
Recently I graduated. Two weeks ago for me writing this or weeks, months or possibly years for whatever poor soul chooses to read this in the future. The day was simple. I took my Mum and Fiancé as my guests, picked up my formal gown and, after a break for shopping and pizza, we would go to the Guildhall for the ceremony and take our seats.
I sat, surrounded by all the people I had known over the three years. Some were friends, most were not. All of them shared the same immediate future. We would graduate. We would queue, walk onto the stage, have our name read out and shake hands with the man with the silly hat.
For a moment we all shared the same pivot point. The moment our lives would revolve around. Whether our futures looked bright or murky, we were all sharing the same experience. And many, not least I, could say that they were proud to be there.
The question is, can I make my graduation the beginning of an exciting and impassioned career or an end before I’ve even begun?
I asked myself, time and again, what if I can’t do it? What if the work doesn’t happen? Well, three years ago I was worried that I wouldn’t get into Uni. Six years ago I was scared I wouldn’t get into College. And I believe that every day, every single person is terrified that they won’t make it, won’t live up to themselves.
There’s no single piece of advice I could give, to anyone or myself. If I said “have hope” or “things will work out” then I’m having faith in a higher and possibly non-existent power. So I’ll just say “what can one do for oneself?”
And leave it at that.
I’ve procrastinated writing this post, oh boy have I. As I said, I graduated two weeks ago and I’ve only gotten around to finishing it. Yet, maybe I needed this extra time to accurately summarise my experience. To think, to learn, to grow.
I can’t say that this post is a definitive definition of what Uni is like or what anyone will feel when it ends. But I see it as a messy, uncoordinated and highly pretentious reaction to the culmination of three years at University and that’s probably the best I’m going to do.
Soon I plan to start up a new series of writing posts. Perhaps fortnightly or monthly, they will detail my life in ways I don’t quite yet know. For Uni, however, this is the end, my final Captains Log on a journey that’s come to its natural conclusion.
It’s a fairly fond and fundamentally fractured farewell to one of the biggest experiences of my life so far, one in which I walked away with a 2:1 which is a (bare with) Upper Second Class Honours Degree in TV and Post Production for those who don’t understand that sort of stuff (I certainly don’t).
And for all the problems, the stresses and the failures (FMP in particular) I’m back home, with mementoes of my time there, and a future I’m excited about.
I can’t help but feel like a person in one of those Films where the main character looks wistfully back on their life. Forest Gump or something. I’m not naval gazing, looking introspectively back on my experiences because they weren’t particularly exciting. But in many ways, they were important and some of the most necessary of my life.
As much as a single flap of a butterflies wing can change the world, I don’t doubt that even the slightest moment in my three years at Uni will determine my future in ways I cannot yet predict.
And honestly, that’s good enough for me.