Becoming Part 1: University XI

This is the first of a two-part post that will cover my final weeks at Universty. Part 2 will come in a week or so, but for now, this is the beginning.

Reflect. I feel like this is what I’ve been asked to do in my final few months of Uni. Reflect on your time here, reflect on what you’ve learnt, reflect on the good and the bad. I feel like I’ve spent an awful lot of time looking back, whilst I do my final ‘Independent Learning Plan’ essay and whilst I clear out lots of old junk of mine.

It’s also helpful that I love to watch long running shows as they, more than anything, help me to look into my past and gaze into my future. The seasons of development our favourite characters go through is fascinating to watch and I guess you could say that if my life were a TV show, this would be the character development season.

I’d say my time at Uni has made me a completely different person, for reasons that I’ve outlined in previous posts and now at the other side I am in a great place. I use this word a lot but I think that I mean it. I’m content. My relationships, my creative mind. Sure, I could be healthier and there’s a lot that could be still done to improve my life but, as it is, I’m on a level that I’m happy with, with plenty more to work towards.

Thus, I think that title for this penultimate Uni post is apt, as it’s taken from the two-part finale of Season 2 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and from the season of my life where I become something. Where I become an adult.

Hell, aren’t we all still trying to be adults? By adults, I don’t mean taxes and jobs, I mean, the feeling that we can take responsibility, look at ourselves and strive to be different. You know what I mean, don’t you?

My recent time at Uni has been a broth of emotions, some good, few bad and it feels like every moment has been some sort of metaphor for something else. My mind has felt calm as if I’m gazing across an ocean of possibility and it feels great.

Planning for my wedding has still been steadily working away in the background, my blogging has become a paid activity and my Uni work has been front and centre but seemingly more irrelevant than ever.

Things have happened, so many things.

We went to London, Amy, Chris and I. We had food in Five Guys and shopped at Forbidden Planet then they went to a Zelda concert and I saw The Jungle Book, which is amazing by the way. This meant that I spent a significant amount of time on my own in London, which is a sure sign of adulthood, no?

My creative time on the Island reached new levels. I went to a Writing club in Starbucks, focusing on writing short pieces of writing and reading them out. I’ve only been once and whilst its a test of my introverted-ness, I think it will definitely prove to be great for me, especially as it will be a regular creative thing I can do when back home.

I also had a great night out with some friends, which included going to my first scratch night at a place called The Exchange in Ventnor. It’s an interesting venue where you can watch people perform various things they’ve written and will be a place that will keep my creativity bubbling nicely and help me to meet new people, which is something I’ve never been great at. Shoutout to my friend Andrew who has helped me find these places.

We then all played Cards Against Humanity which is an awful lot of fun.

Wow, I realise I haven’t talked about Uni much actually.

So, I’ve been organising my return to the island with my Uncle in particular who is going to help bring most of my stuff back to my parent’s house in Ventnor. I’ve been organising and throwing away lots of old stuff I don’t need, hoping to sell or give it away to charities but I do keep buying new crap, yet I find something cathartic by having certain things. Such as plushes or pop vinyls. To me, it just represents a piece of myself that I like.

Other things I did

.Went for a nice walk with my Mum

.Watched new Steven Universe took up Fargo again and watched Films and plenty of YouTube videos.

Amy and I have talked at length about our future. Both coming to the point where we know we don’t want to be stuck on this island forever so we plan to fill our lives with experiences. Travel the world and live instead of just living. We want to spend half our year in the summer working, then have a few months exploring places and doing new things. We now have a special notebook to keep track of it all.

I can’t wait for our future together.

As for Uni, finally. I finished my third and final Post-Production project which was frankly a piece of cake and then went ahead with our FMP. I got the music we needed to use for the Film, we completed our Kickstarter and our time counted down towards the deadline.

Unfortunately, our Film was handed in late in a way that sort of split the group a little bit. I don’t want to go into detail, not because I’m embarrassed or ashamed or anything but because it was just a tough day and it wouldn’t be fair.

For the first time in a long time I felt down. Properly down. I spent hours moping like I hadn’t moped for years and couldn’t really get my body to do anything.

I came to realise that when there’s something that I feel down about, I usually don’t find solace until I find a resolution. Luckily, I was able to talk things out a bit and it gave my soul a cleanse, meaning I went back to being my normal self

It’s not quite over yet but by the time the final part of this Uni blog is out, it will be. Well, I Hope.

Now I’m a week away from my final piece of work, an essay, needing to be handed in, which I did 90% of in a two hour Starbucks sesh which gave me a huge amount of confidence. Once that’s done, literally a day later, my Uncle will arrive to take most of my stuff home and Uni will be officially done.

Of course, there will be a couple more weeks in Southampton, just Amy, Chris and I will hang out with no responsibilities but after that then I’ll be back in the room I grew up in, with far more stuff but far less clutter.

I think that’s what I mean about myself. In my head, I have far more stuff to think about, to do and to create yet I don’t have any clutter. My head is more organised than ever before and this is just the beginning of my personal development. There’s plenty more to do, to improve but I think, at the moment, I understand myself than ever before.

I’m becoming the me I want to be.


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