Mistakes, Reflection and Taking Responsibility

You’ve probably seen it, but Facebook has this ‘On this day’ feature going on, where every day you get shown a bunch of your statuses that occurred on this day in years past.

It’s a neat little function as it allows you to remember some of the things you’ve done, taking you down nostalgia lane as you view what you were getting up to this time 4 years ago.

However, there’s an element to it that I don’t enjoy, or maybe as a self-reflective tool I find it useful, even though I heavily cringe, it’s viewing a multitude of old statuses that I hate.

See there are certain statuses that, when I look back upon, I can’t help but delete. They fill me with shiver-inducing disdain, because I remember the situation that these posts were made, and as the person I am now, all I want to do is move as far away from that me as possible.

This is where we get to the mistakes. I like myself more now than I did before, and I don’t like the way I behaved back then, or how I acted, and the problems that my actions cause.

I acted like a fool a lot of the time. My view was wrong, and I made mistakes, mistakes that could’ve ruined the most significant relationship in my life. I spent too long making these mistakes, doing things that I would find unimaginable now, and within that time I acted rashly and stupidly, something which I’d care not to repeat.

It was something that I didn’t come to regret until it had all come to an end, as a new portion of my life had started I began to realise how truly wrong I had been.

Which brings me to the reflection part. In the last few years, my life has changed drastically. Going into a relationship and heading to University has made me, and I hope, a better person. The influence of a loving relationship, and a mixture of friendship and prospect has changed me.

I say it with no hint of uncertainty, but these last 3 years have been the best of my life. Whether anyone close to me knows it or not, but I’m a far more positive and happy now. I see life as hopeful, and I’m more contented than I had ever been.

These changes to myself have been evident to me, only because I know how I see myself on that Facebook time hop. I see a me that I’m not proud of, a me that made so many mistakes that I regret. And there’s no point in speaking like I am, the other me is still me. I am myself and I made these mistakes, yes us human beings like to divide ourselves up to better understand our own human nature.

By disecting ourselves, we allow a better understanding of the choices we make, by referring to another you, we pass on the blame whilst simultaneously realising that we can do better.

I know that I did things wrong, I don’t want to forget that. Would I change these mistakes? By saying that I wouldn’t want to lose the life I have now, in which mistakes have shaped a better person, is no attempt to cop out on rectifying these issues. I just feel that claiming my rightful responsibility is the only way to carry on in a healthier manor.

In the end, I have to keep on looking at those Facebook posts and except that I used to be problematic, but take solace in the fact that I have changed, in the face of kindness and love, I’ve become someone I can agree with.

And that’s why I delete my old posts.

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