The Bored Legacy: A review of Hitman: Agent 47

Hitman: Agent 47 (2015)

Hitman: Agent 47 (2015)

I made some notes of thoughts I had during the film at moments that tested me, after a while I just gave up. Here are some of those thoughts.

.Wow those car explosions are badly edited, what’s even going on in that shot?

.Why did the ‘hitman’ not blow up the third car? Is it cause he’s got to have a proper conversation with that guy to create tension. I bet it is.

.Wow the guy just poured himself a scotch from a miraculously appearing drinks counter. The most clichéd thing there could have been. Why would you even have scotch in a security control room?

.Really, he’s asking the cop in the police station whether he loves his family. So, he’s gonna kill the innocent guy anyway. Right.

.The hell, he just dived through a probably bullet proofed glass like it was paper. Agh.

.Now he’s Mr Benn, he has NO reason to get into these costumes. He’s already killed a bunch of people. He can take everyone out.

.Did you really just ask if the mysterious guy who saved your life is really called John Smith. Of course he bloody isn’t

.So you stole a kids inhaler and swapped it for a knife. I’m sure that dangerous blade will really help you when you can’t breathe. Douche move 47.

After this point I couldn’t be bothered anymore. Hitman: Agent 47 is a boring, clichéd, annoying and ridiculous film that really sucks. This is the second film in a row that has made my worst films of the year list. From it’s irritating editing that makes the action hard to make out, dull as dishwater plot, bland characters and a vacuum of charm from Rupert Friend as Mr Hitman, this film makes for complete nail biting boredom in the cinema.

I haven’t seen the original film, nor played the game, but that doesn’t matter. H:A47, has nothing in it that matters. It’s floss thin plot tied to bland, uninspired action sequences that prove how bad action can be cut, and the direction makes punching and shooting someone in the face look as interesting as tying your shoes.

There is nothing in this film that I can recommend. The music, from Marco Beltrami, who did the excellent score to Snowpiercer, is standard action fare. The cinematography is marred by grey sludgy cgi, and the writing is just dumb. I had no hopes for this film, and it’s left me with no feelings whatsoever. Just bad.

Rating: C-  3/10


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